Lego and Origami

My little brother has been enjoying Lego building. He follows the instructions online and can follow them to make the end result. I bought Lego for relaxation and as a mental health aid. Lego helps with mental health as it acts as a distraction to unsettling thought. Like many of my hobbies I often toss it aside for something new. My little brother has begun to enjoy the Lego again and building new piece creation. He has really given the Lego a new home. He even got a Lego gift set for his birthday. He has made all the Lego creations already.
I was thinking that of the similarities between the Lego instructions and that of Origami.
Thus I figured my new hobby would be Origami. I went and bought a set of patterned origami sheets from Amazon.
I have made a crane and a swan. My brother has made a t-shirt.

Iphone notes

Do you not see me?
Do you think its easy
I know my battles are not the same
I know I didnt go through the same road
But cant you see
Its like an ocean crashing

Sometimes its just like lightening
It is what it takes to be someone

You want to forget those moments
And they keeping new ways to get you
I just want to stop the fighting
Just stop its not
As big as your making it out to be

Don't you know the words are hurting me
There worse than lines I could put on myself
I tell you to stop but you just keep going

How beautiful she was

If only she knew

How beautiful she was

The way I stare

The way I wonder

Exhaustion of how much I have to repeat

How beautiful she was

The way I stare

The way I wonder

24 years young

It was my birthday yesterday,

The voices are starting to disappear,

I enjoyed my birthday yesterday, went to a Moroccan restaurant and had a buffet.

Had a pizza party at home.

Comment any questions you would like to ask me below :)

 

Are you listening or Am I still wishfully thinking?

Can I lie my tears on your shoulders?

You were on the phone

Maybe you didn’t hear the words running through my mind

Its like a space between us

Ethnicity, Race, I am useless.

I wonder what I am supposed to do.  

Mind wonder thoughts part 3

Better.
how objects move and they talk to me. How will I get better. She sees stars everywhere and flashes how will she gt better.

She is paranoid. Thinking someone is reading this when I am writing this. As they who know maybe they have nothing better to do, maybe its a superpower. I don't know, but the faster I get better the better my life will get as I can't be dealing with this for the rest of my life. Really I can't.

Will have to ask God that when I get to the pearly gates. Maybe I shouldn't question it.

Not Leaving uni

I have decided to trek on with university ,

who know I might do a PhD.

For now I will just struggle on,

Each day is a challenge for me.

Lets see how it goes.

rollerblading and bowling

I went rollerblading and bowling today.

Legs hurt now.

I am leaving uni.

Looking for work

mind wonder thoughts part 2

Extraterrestrial activity what is that, they are stalking me everywhere I go they are there and I cant escape I feel claustrophobic callous.

They can hear what I am thinking these stupid ET. Stupid why ow my brain is hurting. Now is not. what is this illness? This disease of the mind. What is this god given gift.

The voices are helping me keep away from any dangers I face.

I don't know why I need to tell people about my schizophrenia, but I maybe should stop now.

I met some friendly elderly ladies are the day care centre today, why I am having a conversation with the laptop I don't know.

I hope I am insane and will be forgiven.

Anyway the ladies. The ladies asked some interesting questions, I was flattered because they thought I was 18 not 23.

Never to be found again

Love like ours

Only happens once

I should have listened

To what they were saying

That connection I will never find again 

Lost

Wish I knew who you were,

a Lost Love, my Love,

spinning out, crying out of windows

I see way too many faces

Two Lovers potion

I wonder what you can see.

to you

Can't even remember what you look like

But the feeling I have will not stop

Will I ever see you again

Am I just dreaming again ????

And I know that you might not feel the same.

What this strange things which keep happening.

Garden volunteering

I have started volunteering for a garden near my house.

Hopefully keep you updated about what happens .

It is a eight week course.

I was going to volunteer for an allotments but thought that would be too much for me.

mind wonders part 1

Contemplating Time again.

What am I doing just writing stuff to get the beast out of my mind. This beast is the depression weighing on my back. A heaviness I feel and a whispering in my ears, thinking I am sending messages to people.

What are you? where are you? why me?
thinking it is something to get me
dont know if its a hindrance or if its trying to look out for me.
feeling painful
feelings of suicide run through my mind
but that will cause great disorder on earth which I dont want to leave.
The train calls me stupid
but why would anyone what to look at what this girl has to write
why would anyone want to know what Shazida is thinking why?
there is no logic to that
maybe the medication will help yes they will
maybe I need a counsellor
tell them everything
yes that would help me
really need to bring it up with the GP next time I see her next Monday
Terrible Muslim Shazida writing what the voices are telling me.
why can I hear voices in the taps, and the steps I am taking really difficult test which is hard but easy aswell, just pray at the correct times. Doers of good thinkers of bad.
I can think all I want buts its the actions that really speack out shaking I am ,

read the Quran they say to me. Tick tock tick tick what is that someone tell me what is it???

Knitting on the loom

I have knitted on the loom hats and made a scarf.

I will show you the photo of the Anna Hat from frozen, it took all day to make.

Daily post

Keep getting a shooting pain in my head,

Jools says hearing voices is a sign of intelligence.
I dont think so

Just another poem

Trust is all you need

When your here all alone

I have been so ill over you for these years

Been wondering

Leap TV for Autistic Children

My little brother is autistic. He is 13 years old. He plays with Leap Tv and it is really good game for him. I recommend it for autistic children. We a bought a bundle last Christmas and it was really good.

I especially recommend Dora the Explorer and the Toy story/Monster Inc/Finding Nemo.

The dance games are not too good, as the lighting in the room is not very good.

Hey its me here,

talking to the refrigerator again,

time passes like bleak mess of sunshine.
thoughtless hours of contributions

Psychosis story a bit of a ramble.

FREEDOM
The day NM passed away I watched the news as it broke. NM was a world wide figure a role model fighting for freedom. I had lady birds in my room and I guess they were doing the same, I took them into my house as guests as most will kill them off. The bugs could stay in my house for as long as need be. I stepped outside to look at the stars that day before I has screamed at the boys for taking the bricks and enjoying themselves too much. I had picked up a CD which said GHOSTs and presumed my brother had been taken over by some cult so I shouted outside. Wallace and Gromit wrong trousers was also giving me messages about wearing the wrong trousers. I always find it hard to look for the right trousers to wear. Once on a journey to Canterbury I didn't look back. I took a glance back and thought the strictly come dancing crew were there. I took £100 out of the cash machines as I thought that's how I get on the crew guess I was tricked by Mr Mahogany hes a big business man always has his mysterious ways even if he isn't actually there. I was looking for black trousers as I had put the wrong pair on that day, I had an important meeting my Mr Fellowship. He always wore fleeces, Soil on his fingers showed signs of hardworking hours spent outdoors. Once entering the shop she tried them on the trousers that is. they were good fitted okay even if a bit loose round the waist. The woman upstairs asked if I wanted leopard print tights of course not. I quite like Katy Perry but leopard print tights wasn't quite what I was searching for so I kindly declined. That's the time I bought my Viyella trousers. I had went into a geography shop but he was a monk like bold and slim but he didn't seem that welcoming his crowd never do. I thought of him like a little troll.

The builders outside had Katy Perry on full blast ROAR like an independent women, After leaving I went into the opticians but I guess they didn't know that islamically eye surgery is Haram but just phoning them was fine. The man in the shop wore glasses and what looked like the manager was a women behind him, gave me a card. I enjoyed going in there Canterbury shops always have that sleek look about them.

I found myself at chesterfield and swalecliffe once, trying to get to a 12 o clock meeting with mental health department at uni but found myself at C +S.
I took the risk I guess and had my ticket only to Canterbury. Whistable had a nice beach and that's where I should have stopped I did drop by for a little and glad that I did. On C + S I crossed the the bridge the weather that day was very windy high gale forces. but I wasn't much afraid I felt a sigh of relief on top of that bridge where I felt free. But the speakers told me they were watching me so I crossed the platform and took the taxi back to Canterbury. I am more a local person and shouldn't have asked for a lift from the man at the car wash. they were moving there HQ to Canterbury. While figuring out my bearings I am proud to say I took a glimpse at what looked like the queen who nodded politely at me. The air was rushing. There was black crow marking what worked likes as if to say don't go to McDonald's hahaha.

I did end up in Canterbury through the taxi who I thought what a strange man, a paedophile, and he was out to get me. the cars were following him in pursuit. I imagined this all in my head of course. I gave the man extra money when I got to the glass building, its the money my dad had given me that morning.

When I headed to campus I saw what looked like lookalikes of people - which I thought were lookalikes and bbc news crew there. I was very poorly at this stage but still wanted to work on my project with the guys doing hydraulic fracturing. I gave the CD back to my tutor but laughed so much for no apparent reason.

The Depression Beast had got to much to me that day, I cried and cried and cried.