mind wonders part 1

Contemplating Time again.

What am I doing just writing stuff to get the beast out of my mind. This beast is the depression weighing on my back. A heaviness I feel and a whispering in my ears, thinking I am sending messages to people.

What are you? where are you? why me?
thinking it is something to get me
dont know if its a hindrance or if its trying to look out for me.
feeling painful
feelings of suicide run through my mind
but that will cause great disorder on earth which I dont want to leave.
The train calls me stupid
but why would anyone what to look at what this girl has to write
why would anyone want to know what Shazida is thinking why?
there is no logic to that
maybe the medication will help yes they will
maybe I need a counsellor
tell them everything
yes that would help me
really need to bring it up with the GP next time I see her next Monday
Terrible Muslim Shazida writing what the voices are telling me.
why can I hear voices in the taps, and the steps I am taking really difficult test which is hard but easy aswell, just pray at the correct times. Doers of good thinkers of bad.
I can think all I want buts its the actions that really speack out shaking I am ,

read the Quran they say to me. Tick tock tick tick what is that someone tell me what is it???