Iphone notes

Do you not see me?
Do you think its easy
I know my battles are not the same
I know I didnt go through the same road
But cant you see
Its like an ocean crashing

Sometimes its just like lightening
It is what it takes to be someone

You want to forget those moments
And they keeping new ways to get you
I just want to stop the fighting
Just stop its not
As big as your making it out to be

Don't you know the words are hurting me
There worse than lines I could put on myself
I tell you to stop but you just keep going

How beautiful she was

If only she knew

How beautiful she was

The way I stare

The way I wonder

Exhaustion of how much I have to repeat

How beautiful she was

The way I stare

The way I wonder

24 years young

It was my birthday yesterday,

The voices are starting to disappear,

I enjoyed my birthday yesterday, went to a Moroccan restaurant and had a buffet.

Had a pizza party at home.

Comment any questions you would like to ask me below :)

 

Are you listening or Am I still wishfully thinking?

Can I lie my tears on your shoulders?

You were on the phone

Maybe you didn’t hear the words running through my mind

Its like a space between us

Ethnicity, Race, I am useless.

I wonder what I am supposed to do.  

Mind wonder thoughts part 3

Better.
how objects move and they talk to me. How will I get better. She sees stars everywhere and flashes how will she gt better.

She is paranoid. Thinking someone is reading this when I am writing this. As they who know maybe they have nothing better to do, maybe its a superpower. I don't know, but the faster I get better the better my life will get as I can't be dealing with this for the rest of my life. Really I can't.

Will have to ask God that when I get to the pearly gates. Maybe I shouldn't question it.

Not Leaving uni

I have decided to trek on with university ,

who know I might do a PhD.

For now I will just struggle on,

Each day is a challenge for me.

Lets see how it goes.

rollerblading and bowling

I went rollerblading and bowling today.

Legs hurt now.

I am leaving uni.

Looking for work

mind wonder thoughts part 2

Extraterrestrial activity what is that, they are stalking me everywhere I go they are there and I cant escape I feel claustrophobic callous.

They can hear what I am thinking these stupid ET. Stupid why ow my brain is hurting. Now is not. what is this illness? This disease of the mind. What is this god given gift.

The voices are helping me keep away from any dangers I face.

I don't know why I need to tell people about my schizophrenia, but I maybe should stop now.

I met some friendly elderly ladies are the day care centre today, why I am having a conversation with the laptop I don't know.

I hope I am insane and will be forgiven.

Anyway the ladies. The ladies asked some interesting questions, I was flattered because they thought I was 18 not 23.

Never to be found again

Love like ours

Only happens once

I should have listened

To what they were saying

That connection I will never find again 

Lost

Wish I knew who you were,

a Lost Love, my Love,

spinning out, crying out of windows

I see way too many faces

Two Lovers potion

I wonder what you can see.

to you

Can't even remember what you look like

But the feeling I have will not stop

Will I ever see you again

Am I just dreaming again ????

And I know that you might not feel the same.

What this strange things which keep happening.

Garden volunteering

I have started volunteering for a garden near my house.

Hopefully keep you updated about what happens .

It is a eight week course.

I was going to volunteer for an allotments but thought that would be too much for me.

mind wonders part 1

Contemplating Time again.

What am I doing just writing stuff to get the beast out of my mind. This beast is the depression weighing on my back. A heaviness I feel and a whispering in my ears, thinking I am sending messages to people.

What are you? where are you? why me?
thinking it is something to get me
dont know if its a hindrance or if its trying to look out for me.
feeling painful
feelings of suicide run through my mind
but that will cause great disorder on earth which I dont want to leave.
The train calls me stupid
but why would anyone what to look at what this girl has to write
why would anyone want to know what Shazida is thinking why?
there is no logic to that
maybe the medication will help yes they will
maybe I need a counsellor
tell them everything
yes that would help me
really need to bring it up with the GP next time I see her next Monday
Terrible Muslim Shazida writing what the voices are telling me.
why can I hear voices in the taps, and the steps I am taking really difficult test which is hard but easy aswell, just pray at the correct times. Doers of good thinkers of bad.
I can think all I want buts its the actions that really speack out shaking I am ,

read the Quran they say to me. Tick tock tick tick what is that someone tell me what is it???

Knitting on the loom

I have knitted on the loom hats and made a scarf.

I will show you the photo of the Anna Hat from frozen, it took all day to make.